Nineteen Years

If I'm being honest, which is what I strive to be all the time, I can't justify more time than I have already spent to reflect on the fact that Ralph and I have been married for nineteen years today.

I was up at 4:30 this morning and after my usual feeble attempt at trying to draw closer to my sweet Jesus, I wrote my annual anniversary letter to Ralph before he had to leave for work. It is now 6:30AM and I still have other goals to reach before my boys wake up, like posting photos from the wedding I photographed last month.

That being said, though this was not my intent when I wrote this, I am choosing to share what I said to him instead of thinking up something new that might sound more approachable, as that is one of my goals when I write things that are to be publicized. What you have here is just me thinking off the top of my head at five in the morning and sharing my initial thoughts to my man so that he could have something to read when he was working for thirteen hours today. This letter may upset some, but I am three weeks away from turning forty and my "people pleasing" struggle seems to be disappearing more by the day...

"Life looks a lot different than we thought it would nineteen years in doesn’t it? Two things that I am thankful that are not any different since we said, “I do” nineteen years ago today are that we are still committed to following Jesus and each other. I would rather have those two things than anything else.

The enemy attacks those two things the most and for good reason. Maintaining a close relationship with Jesus influences every thought, decision, and action made. Maintaining a marriage, and passionate one on top of that, is almost unheard of now. The positive ripple effects on the world from both are eternal.

I am so thankful for your commitment to me. It sounds almost crazy these days to say that you completely trust a person because there are too many stories out there of people believing that someone, like their spouse could be trusted and things happen that prove otherwise. My own family is a perfect example.

We have seen marriages literally crumble before our eyes. I hear from friends and family members of the people they know whose marriages have ended. Infidelity, narcissism, identity changes, disconnected. Yes, it really does seem as though we are in the end times.

In about ten minutes you will be waking up to leave for work at 6:00AM. Like every Monday through Friday since July of 2025, I will not see you again until 8:45PM. It’s just another day of barely seeing you.

This is the life we have chosen because we have free will and our choices led us to this point in our lives. We can choose to go down our own pride-filled path of what we want or what looks comfortable or easier or prettier or whatever the illusion is. Or we can choose to go down the path that leads to life which requires trust in Jesus, belief in what he says, faith that He will do what He says in His word, and a whole lot of death to ourselves.

It seems clear that when people are on the pride-filled path, that things in their lives like marriages, finances, relationships, eventually collapse. Nothing is more confusing than the appearance of a Godly person. Is there any hope?

Praise God for the select few in our lives who have stayed the course, fully trusting in Jesus, and showing us that it is possible to remain married. Praise the Holy Spirit for His presence in our lives, keeping our eyes turned towards each other and not wandering at another. Praise Jesus for his sacrifice, modeling for us what real love is and redeeming our lives from the filthy pits they were in. Thank God that we look nothing like we did the first two years we knew each other.

We are in a great season of unknowns again. It seems to be our new normal. Full reliance on the Lord. Asking Him for guidance. Begging to understand him, his word, his spirit, and his purpose for you and our family. I am proud of you for seeking Him more. It is seen in how you are responding to the boys, your mood when you are at home, and in the way you treat me.

My prayer remains the same. That we seek Jesus first. That we never lose sight of him. We fix our eyes on Him.

I don’t want to ever see you or our marriage crumble. I don’t just want that for ourselves. I want both to remain for the Glory of God. May we continue to be a bright testimony to HIS work in us. I love you so much!"