Silence Broken

I literally can’t keep up. I have begun to write so many times in regards to everything that has been happening since March and I can’t even complete it before something new happens that I want to write about. Add in parenting three young boys, managing a household, loving on my man, running a business, remodeling a house both inside and out and just life in general and I’m left with a ton of incomplete writings.

So to at least start somewhere, I listed words that describe how I've felt over the last three months:

-Concerned

-Unsurprised

-Isolated

-Determined

-Disappointed

-Weary

-At peace

-Surreal

-Anticipation

-Oppressed

-Uncertain

-Dreaming

-Gratitude

-Cautious

-Angry

-Frustrated

I have had so many of them in such a short amount of time that I went silent publicly. Though I am often a very honest, forth-right person, I am not one to spew out something the second I think it. I take what I say on my blog and social media platforms very seriously.

I also do not like to act on feelings. Feelings can cause me to do irrational, un-wise, erratic things. So, I often feel them, but do nothing about them until I can take a step back and reflect on where they are coming from. Is this coming from a place of fear? Pride? Or is this coming from the Holy Spirit trying to prompt me or move me in a direction that He wants me to go?

When so much is happening, so quickly and so intensely, I just can’t jump on bandwagons, no matter how serious or good they may seem from the onset. I am a complete risk taker and yet very cautious when it comes to complying, conforming or accepting something or someone.

First, I have to have complete trust in a person, an idea, or the person behind the idea. Trust takes time. It has to be proven. I have to spend time studying, being around, or researching before I accept, approve or commit to something or someone. I don’t extend it easily.

That being said, God willing, I will continue to prayerfully, slowly and methodically write about all that has been transpiring when time allows. My priority is not the social media/web world, though it is full of real people that I care about. Loving those that I am in close communion with and being fully present for whoever is in front of me, is typically what I put first. After all, that’s where God can do the most. ;)